GIVE ME NAME!

A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. 'I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.'

So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened.

In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.

The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, 'I am a man of my word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?' the millionaire asks.

The guy grabs the microphone and says, 'Why don't we start with the name of the bastard that pushed me in!'

HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1.       Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.

2.       Place them on your front porch along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.

3.       Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4.       Leave a note on your door that reads:

Bubba,

Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and soda pop.  Be back in an hour.  Don't mess with the pit bulls.  They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad.  Don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell with all the blood.  Anyway, I locked all four of 'um in the house.  Be right back.

Cooter

Veteran of the United States Army

Here is the most brilliant statement ever made without a word being said!!!!!

This American born, Veteran of the United States Army, law abiding, taxpaying citizen

was told by his Homeowners Association that he -

Could Not fly the American Flag in his yard......

This is his response:

Amen brother

 

 

Ahmadinejad says he wants to be first Iran's first astronaut

The headlines read:

Ahmadinejad says he wants to be first Iran's first astronaut

I believe the rest of the world will agree with me, SEND THE LITTLE SNOT.

Just in case if he needs company, the other little snot Kim Jung Un will do just fine.

Make sure not to over tighten a few bolts, to save some money, use thin insulation for outer skin and make sure all the parts are Made In China.

Instead of Godspeed, we shall boldly scribe on the side of the craft: GOOD RIDDANCE.