1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.
3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Bubba,
Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and soda pop. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. Don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell with all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'um in the house. Be right back.
Cooter
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